I'll be honest, without a plastic ring in my stomach, this would be the quitting time. Right about now I would be giving up on my diet, and not because holidays are here, it's easier, or anything that I would have expected; I would be quitting because it's actually working, and it's really awkward.
I've lost 39 pounds so far. I know, yay me, right? Except I don't feel like it. I just ordered some clothes in only a single size down (granted, from a store I've never bought from before) and they totally don't fit (bring on the tears, baby). My old pants are dragging on the ground and both the nutritionist and someone at work told me I need to buy me some new pants, but what am I supposed to do now? I'm in a weird limbo and I feel completely uncomfortable.
I've lost enough weight that I realize how long my journey really is. Last year a skinny friend lost thirty pounds and it changed her completely, and if my clothing is any indication, I'm not all that changed. Mostly because this is only about a third of what I want/need to lose over all, so percentage wise, she lost a huge percentage of her body weight, and I've made a blip on the radar.
I just feel so awkward in my own skin. I was looking forward to maybe looking snazzy for New Years (for the first time ever), because I feel like it's been a significant amount of progress that I would feel different at New Years, but I don't. I can't wear cuter clothes, I have longer to wait and more work to do.
This is the tough part about dieting. Sure, at some point I'm going to be in a mall and looking at myself in a dressing room and I'll be shocked, maybe even crying, but that point isn't now. Now I just feel awkward and uncomfortable, like everything I'm wearing doesn't look good and like I don't look good. This is the point at which, without the LAP-BAND® in there, I would be saying to myself, "I don't look good, I don't feel good, why am I working this hard?" and I would find myself quitting. I guess that's the real benefit of the LAP-BAND®. It doesn't quit when you want to. In addition to which, looking at my scars seems to be pretty decent motivation, because I don't want to have gone through surgery for nothing, but still, this part just feels over exposed, vulnerable, and totally awkward.
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written by Sarah Kelley, April 11, 2011
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written by Kelsey, Editor-In-Chief, January 04, 2010
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written by Catherine Kenealy, December 29, 2009
It's a cliche, but WLS isn't a "diet," it's a lifestyle. You're making changes now for the rest of your life! Just keep plugging forward and you'll get there. I was sometimes down on myself too, when I was unhappy with my progress, but you've already made huge strides towards good health. Hang in there!
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